Gratitude

Something I take for granted is having hot water to shower, having a bed to sleep in and just having a home. There are people out there who struggles and does not have any of this and I sometimes forget about this. Sometimes I take too long in the shower, using the hot water. Sometimes I sleep too much and I get lazy and end up staying home. I don't realize how much people are homeless and don't even have a home to go and I shouldn't take for granted for these things. Another thing I take for granted is being able to have a meal three times a day. I am very careful with my body and I make sure I do not  eat too much because I have a slow metabolism, I really do eat maybe once or twice a day and I do not realize how many people are out there who struggle to get at least one meal, there are so many people in the world who starve to death and I should be so grateful that I have everything I have right now, I have a home, food, family and love.



I am grateful for the people I have in my life and how much my family loves me. My family is very supportive and they love me for who I am, they give me advice and affection whenever they need me and not many people have that. For example, I knew a boy named Paul that I used to work with and he was same age as me, 18 years old. He got kicked out of his own house from his mother because he was gay and I did not believe that was right. I believe that parents should never abandoned their kids EVER, no matter what the situation may be. My parents and my family always support me and never judge me for any of my mistakes. They are always on my side and they never turn their back on me, of course they tell me when I am wrong and that Is what real family is and I am very grateful to have that.

Some good things that I can absorb more is helping the homeless. Every time I see a homeless person ask for change I always give change, no matter if it is not a lot. I don't always do it because I am obviously not rich. I wish I could try harder and at least buy a homeless guy a meal once in a while or maybe give a homeless guy 20 bucks. I just wish could do something more than just give a few coins or a dollar away, this could actually be anyone.. and if it were me  I would want someone to help me out as well. There is this guy in downtown who has a missing leg and every time I pass him I just feel so sad and disappointed. I just wish I could really do something big for them.



Gratefulness

I am so grateful
I can never be hateful
to keep a open mind                                                                      

never  bite the hand
that feeds you no matter what ,
but what can be done?

is the real question
with no kind of hesitation
have nothing else left

I have a family
while others don't have anyone
I have people there

 always there for me
support me with the choices
that I choose to make

I have an option
whether I want to eat or not
while others do not

I do not struggle
in breathing or life
my health is  good

I am so grateful
for everything that I have
I always will be

 

Edge of the Ice

Everyone has at least a fear and an asset about themselves, it's what makes us who we are. If you are somebody who is not afraid of anything well right on! I absolutely vouch for you. However, I believe having fears can make you a stronger person because the ways and strategies you handle your fears.


On of my fears is  loosing. I do not like to fail in anything because it really does make me feel like I have not accomplished anything, I am very dramatic so the world will end in my book. I just feel like if one fails it makes you feel like your a loser because you did not do something right . My other fear is loosing my family and my boyfriend... If I were to ever lose them I would be devastated. They are the only people in my life that has been there for me and has always had my back. They love me for the person I am and I love them. I always make sure that my family is safe. My last fear is clowns. Ever since I was little girl I hated the way the details were on clowns faces, even thinking about it creeps me out.  Every time I had gone to a circus I would immediately think that it is a killer clown like the movie It. (no pictures up of clowns!) There was no way I was going to ever think the clown was friendly looking like that.


One of my assets is earning things by working hard. I am very independent and I love to work hard for my own things because it feels like I have accomplished something. I just love the feeling of not having to ask my parents for money or for anything because it teaches me to be more responsible. Another assets of mine is I am very social and organized. I love to communicate with people and I love to meet and interact with new people especially from different cultures and religions. I also like to keep my area clean and everything in place that way it is easy to find and nothing looks hectic.





Some strategies I use to keep my mind off fear, anger, sadness,etc. is cardio workouts and yoga. It helps relieves stress and makes you feel really good and happy afterwards. Also, free writing about your feelings is a good way to because you could express your feelings by writing out your anger and how you really feel. And you don't have be careful about what you say, you can just let it all out.


Fears

we see the darkness over riding
all the young babies crying
people upon people dying
what do we do
we do what we can
try to develop a plan
know things have gotten
to a way where it ever forgotten
but still its not stopping
 me
but my philosophy
motivates me
reminds me nothing
can stop me
just keep me pushing
I am never losing
I just keep
persevering

Stressed

This week has been only about studying. I have both the midterms on Wednesday for math and on Friday for psychology.  This day of today on Columbus day I definitely used it wisely. I never did so much homework and studying in my life! I woke up at 10am and got started and I am still going now. Everything has been crazy, I feel like my whole life involves around school only! It's been pretty insane I shall say. I am definitely excited about having 3 days off of work this week. I usually get two days, sometimes one. I work at Purple Cactus restaurant as a cashier. I have been living on my own lately so I have been mostly worried about making enough money to pay the bills and to support myself.





I am dying to catch up with my friends and hang out. I just haven't had the time to do so. They say to be successful you should never stop nor sleep because it's taking time away from your success, that is what I intend to do. My mind is only focused in the future. I never want to give up, everything is just so challenging, however,  it is motivating me to continue moving forward. My mind just keeps telling me that I can do this and I will do this. I wish I could tell you that my day and week has been relaxing and great, I would be lying if I say such a thing. I just been stressed and haven't been sleeping much but I can say I do feel accomplished for how much I have gotten done so far.



I did watch a scary movie last night called "dead silence" it was about some women named Mary saw who got murdered and got her tongue cut out and when she was buried she asked for her Muppets to be buried with her, which she called her kids (awkward) and she also asked to become a doll. She was in the doll you see in the cover and she was killing every person that was involved in her murder and all their families (ahh!).   I finished everything that needed to be done and since I had an extra day to finish the rest, I was able to at least watch a movie. The movie was pretty scary but the ending sucked! I wish they would continue making better movies like they did back in the day. All the movies from before were breathtaking! I have yet to watch a movie from 1996 that actually sucked. Maybe they are running out of ideas? If I were a movie director I would so give the best selling movies ideas!


When I stop, I notice

When I stop, I notice
the birds standing in diligence
looking over the scenery
vigilant
thinking of the next step to take
looking at this reminds me society's at stake
but I'm next at plate
going to hit this out the park
I got my mind on the mark I want to get
I will never forget
what I attempt
and I will regret
what I have foresaid
because I am speaking of the future ...
am I in your head ?
yet ?
better step it up
or it will be all done
and none of these things
are longer fun
have piece of mind
and use your time
wisely    

Not so bad after all

The middle school I went to was called The Harbor School. In my music class we were assigned three people per group and had to pick a song to sing to the school. It was sort of like a talent show, the only difference was that we were being graded to do this and I really wanted an A.  I was partnered with two of my friends named Diamond and Natalie. We decided to pick the song Unfaithful by Rihanna, we all loved the melody and harmony in the song so we practiced the song together and figured out who should play the high note and who should play the low note. Natalie and I did not know the lyrics of the song as well as Diamond did so we decided that she should be the main lead in case we got lost in between. A few groups sang before us and when it was our turn to sing we came up and started the instrumental. As we began to sing the soundtrack stopped working, I am not sure what happened but the instrumental was gone, what a relief right!? wrong. I kind of found it quite embarrassing.

Before we had gone up stage it was exciting and nerve-racking all at the same time for me. I always had stage fright and I knew this was not going to be easy. However, I wanted this A. The school was pretty big which made it more frightening all I could think about was how many eyes would be on us and immediately started to break a sweat by the thought of it. Diamond and Natalie was full of confidence, they couldn't wait for our turn, which made me feel like a coward. My stomach felt the same way it feels when I'm on a rollercoaster. I was terrified. When we began singing I started to loosen up slowly and thought that this wasn't so bad, especially since my mom always told me to picture the audience in their underwear. However, as I started to get more comfortable the music stopped in the middle of the song. I was angry because I really wanted this to be good, I believed it was finally a chance to show my talent and not be afraid anymore. So experiencing this was kind of upsetting.

After the 5 minutes of awkwardness, I started to continue the song solo without the soundtrack playing and get my group and the audience to sing along. A minute later everyone in the auditorium sang with me and my music teacher ran to the piano and my other teacher grabbed a clarinet and they both played the rhythm while we sang and it really did sound beautiful. I believed I turned this bad situation into a good one because I stepped out of my comfort zone to finish the song and I had a chance to show my voice to everyone and I knew I sounded great because not only did we win but everyone kept complimenting me. I didn't know I had the guts to do such a brave thing, especially since I was the most scared one in the group. If the soundtrack never broke then we probably wouldn't have won and I wouldn't have gained a little more confidence n myself although I am still scared.



Alchemy

Substance that turns
lead into gold
metal into metal
something considered
magic?

It is more
then just chemistry...
It is reality
Its something you change
Ordinary to extraordinary
It is magic

Martin Luther King
once a young man
treated like trash
judged by the color of his skin
turned out to be the man
to change racism...

Abraham Lincoln
president of US during civil war
once a person like you and me
turned out to be the man to help end slavery
in this messed up, cruel world

A young girl
always skipping
sneaking out
joined a program
(Sociedad Latina),
that helps youth 
she turned her life around
changed her grades
thought about the future
currently so independent
hardworking and intelligent
it was me
I am an Alchemy